A Short Introduction to The Oat

The Oat was founded in 324 BC by Alexander the Great and is believed by most historians to be his greatest accomplishment. With the advent of Roman roads, it spread across Europe as far as England, where it was the only source of reliable news in a frontier civilization. Contrary to popular belief, Rome actually fell because it ran out of copies of the Oat.  To make sure this doesn't happen to you, buy a subscription. After the fall of Rome, The Oat was mainly staffed by Germanic barbarian tribes and freshmen. In 10th-century China, the influx of Western ideas brought by the Oat toppled the Tang Dynasty. In 1066, Harold II of England failed to renew his Oat subscription, with unfortunate results. The Oat was awarded the Pulitzer Prize by King Louis IX of France in 1243, signaling the start of what many believe to be its Golden Age.

The Incas and the Aztecs did not receive copies of the Oat, the Spanish did.  Need we say more?

On March 1, 1917, The Oat published the notorious Zimmerman Telegram, throwing the US into World War I. During the war, The Oat aided the enemy by refusing to buy US war bonds and changing its name to Das Oät.

The Chicago Tribune is known for miscalling the 1948 election, printing the headline "Dewey Defeats Truman"; what is less known is that The Oat had previously miscalled every election between 1846 and 1932, when it finally gave up on printing election results.
 

Today, The Oat is more powerful than ever.  With the hearts and minds of the Sidwell community locked in our iron grip, we anticipate years of prosperity and world domination ahead.

Last Update: 06/05/2007